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I couldn’t believe how fast the week had gone from my last session as I once again pulled up outside the house. John opened the door and welcomed me in telling me to take a seat. ‘Hello Kate it’s great to see you again. How are you feeling?’ he said. ‘I’m good thanks John.’ I said feeling less nervous than the previous week. ‘How is the smoking going?’ he said taking notes. ‘I’m down to 5 or 6 cigarettes a day, but weekends I’m still smoking 10.’ I said ashamedly. ‘Well that’s a big step in the right direction Kate. Like I said it will take the 5 sessions to cure you’. He said smiling. ‘Ok then Kate if you would like to remove your jacket and get comfortable we can begin.’ He said. I removed my jacket and placed it on the arm of the sofa as I led back and closed my eyes. ‘Just like last week Kate you are feeling very tired as you begin to fall asleep. Falling deeper and deeper and now you’re asleep.’ As I felt John lifting my arm and letting it drop, I suddenly realised what was. It was a relief when his rapes ended, but he left a black mark on me that will never fade. I have an insatiable desire for men ten to twenty years my senior, and fighting against the man fucking me roughly and harshly is the best height I can reach. I want nothing more, at this stage in my life than to be degraded as used as my dominant partner pleases. The outside of me is very dominant. I am a Sophomore in college, an honors student, a published poet. I am five feet eleven inches tall and a formidable figure to men my age. The sexual me is a submissive kitten that has to be taught repeatedly what she can and cannot do. I thrive on pleasing my dominant and survive on the sexual system of rewards and punishments. At sixteen, I was just beginning to comprehend my sexual abilities. When I first liberated myself from my abusive uncle, I thought I was actually sexually dominant. It would be over five years later that I learned I was, in fact, a submissive. Up until that moment I had.
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