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"I kept quiet and tried to get my member to behave."He needed a hostess in Philadelphia. I was big for my age, had good manners, wore clothes well, did not complain much." She laughed quietly and then sobbed, just once, a shudder.I held branches aside for her."So, well, there was no dowry." She looked down at her feet and ruined dress."Consummated?" I asked, not looking at her.She snorted and lifted her strong chin. "Not your business, m'lad. He bought me nice clothes, lots and lots, and jewelry too, and sweets."Clouds started gathering, coming up from the southeast, tumbling over each other. I began thinking about shelter as well as her young body. I had, of course, been thinking about getting between her long legs for more than a week. I ached for her."What are you called?" I asked."Erina," she said. "Family name was Barren; we're Welsh mostly, a few Irish way back a'ways." Who was the redhead?" Some Viking I suppose," she said with a happy laugh. "Isn't it awful."I put my hand into. I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever understand.And Tammy's counting on being the girl in that picture, I can tell this inthe way she talks about our future. And yet the more time I spend withher, the more I envy her more than I desire to be with her. She'd neverwant anything more to do with me if I told her.And then there's Dave. We've been friends forever, but if I told him I wasdreaming of.
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