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Nor a jail, not like I'd ever actually been in one. Motel? Didn't seem right, with just one twin bed. There weren't any motel rooms with one twin bed, were there? And why did it rock?I gave up thinking and pulled the covers back, swinging my legs over, and sitting up. My head ached – would I get a hangover from four little sleeping pills? My bladder urged me on, so I tried to stand.Either the floor really was rocking, or I was, like, seriously messed up. No, it was rocking; I could see the flowers in the vase rock too. OK – if it's real rocking, then maybe this was a boat. I'd been on a boat before – walking was just a matter of timing your steps to the rocking.The small door behind me looked like a bathroom door, and it was. I didn't turn on the light – bathrooms have mirrors, and I desperately didn't want to see myself. I fumbled for the toilet seat, lifted it, undid my jeans, and pushed them down. Steadying myself on the wall, I sat, and let flow.My pee smelled and stung. I peed a. It's just that I really have to go. You know. I'll call you later, okay?" Sure. I really am sorry." No. Don't worry. It's okay."So we're both fumbling around with words, trying to make everything normal between us while we walk to our cars, she afraid that she's shamed herself and afraid of the complications, me afraid I've fumbled the role of confidant and driven her away, and that's how things stand when she starts her car and leaves. It's a terrible memory but at least she's alive in it.It happened that I was looking for a copy of some book and when I turned back Miriam was in my office doorway. Like a spirit. When Ebenezer Scrooge first saw Jacob Marley's ghost, it was as a transformation in his door-knocker. She was a transformation in the space of my doorway, suddenly there, out of nothing, Miriam in a trench coat, and I got a chill up my back."Hi," I said, finally. "I was a little worried about you."I had decided that she wasn't going to see me again, or return emails, or.
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