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"Send Police! A robber is in my house!" I yelled franticly as the 911 operator started her spiel. I glanced over at 'Shithead', who was tying the intruder's hands behind his back with the lamp cord, then suddenly my blood went cold.There were roses scattered around the floor where they had dropped from the intruder's hand. Next to his hands were a pair of work boots the guy must have been carrying when he was struck.The boots were Dean's well-worn work boots.Shithead was finishing off a knot on the bound hands while muttering "Fucking asshole burglar, think you can sneak up on me? You gotta another thing coming." I dropped the phone when 'Shithead' grabbed a tuft of the intruder's hair and lifted the head off the floor.Now my blood froze as Dean's bloody face stared out at me. His eyes were closed, but a soft moan escaped his lips.I leaped off the bed to the side of my prone spouse. "GET AWAY FROM HIM! THAT IS MY HUSBAND!"Shithead got a confused look on his face as he released Dean's. David LettermanI’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a billionaire. Howard HughesAfter the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. Italian proverbMen are like linoleum floors. Lay ‘em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. Betsy SalkindThe only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. Jean KerrI’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. Zsa Zsa GaborYou know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t. Jeff FoxworthyWhen a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. Prince PhilipA computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Emo Philips.Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. Harrison FordThe best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. Spike MilliganLawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. Robin HallKill one man and you’re a murderer,.
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