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What is, is what it has led my life to become.Well, where to start? I guess I should start at the beginning. I lived with my mother, and six sisters. We had a three bedroom house that we rented. It was not a big house, but it served its place.Father walked out on us, when I was 5. He was a real scum bag, or something, to do that to his family.I, being the only male (and young), grew up watching the women in my life. They would go around close to nude, every night and morning.It was by older sister carol that first noticed my problem. Even back then, I would be hard most of the time.She had come into the bathroom while I was in the tub, and asked me to show her my dick. It was nine inches, back then. While being a boy, I showed my older sister, who was ten at the time.Carol asked if she could touch it, to which I said, "Sure, go ahead. Just don't hurt me."Carol had been playing with me for about ten minutes, when I came all over her face and neck.After that, it was every night. She. ’ It was a whisper, a breath. ‘Not yet….I’m not ready for this, Nat. Please.’ Natalie pulled her head away with a hard shake. ‘When will you be ready, Monk? For the love of God, you need to know why, and then you need more time — can’t you just fucking accept? Can’t you just…let go?’ Her voice went from angry to plaintive. ‘Please, Monk…all this control is killing you. If you don’t see it, I sure as hell do.’ I looked her hard in the eye. ‘Without it, I would have snapped your neck, back there in the kwoon.’ ‘Really?’ she asked. Before I could react, she grabbed my hand and placed it around her throat. ‘Then do it, Monk. Rid your life of this unplanned distraction. Then you can get on with your hermitude, and wallow in the hell you’ve made for yourself out of four walls and loneliness.’ It was amazing how big her eyes got when I started squeezing. I was tired of being pushed. ‘Don’t….tempt…me.’ I hissed. Her trust was admirable. She was almost crimson before she started really.
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