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Directors could take their pick. The preference, surely, was for the ultimate: women who had never gone naked in public before. That made those who'd already shown their all before a touch desperate.So it was, when I was selected to direct the Queen's Royal Theatre production of "The Vagina Monologues: The Illustrated Version," I was set upon by a bevy of England's well-aged cheesy actresses. Dames and ladies, "Coronation Street" walkers, a thousand Christmas panto pussies in boots, they all wished to raise their skirts -- all in the pursuit of art, of course.One day in particular remains in my memory. I had just turned down a pot of money from Diana Rigg to display her skeletal form onstage. I had an appointment for tea at Brown's with Dame Edna Everage -- and the prospect of that edifice starkers would have given the stalls a whacking. I was enjoying a rare moment of solitude when my office door flew open.Something in a Burberry raincoat -- I couldn't at first make out just what,. "See' Johnnie said, 'these pants do not fit you.He put them on himself and not surprising they fitted.'This goes to show' Johnnie said full of shit and righteous zeal 'this proves that I wear the pants in this house, and what I say goes.' Anita appeared to be properly put in het place, but asked: 'Johnnie be a dear, and get a pair of my panties from upstairs.Johnnie complied, just back from the honeymoon and having put the little lady in het place.'Put'm on' Anita asked.As Johnnie started to take his pant on Anita interrupted:'Keep those pants on Johnnie!''But Anita, there is no way I can get into these panties with my pants on!''Well' Anita said 'that goes to show, that as long as you are wearing these pants, you won't be getting mine.'And another one about this happy coupleJohnnie and Anita were 25 years married and they celebrated the happy event in a very upscale restaurant.'Anita, please tell me' Johnnie asked 'have you always been faithful during these years?''Absolutely'' Anita.
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