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“She left a note saying she was going to visit you and she's packed a bag full of clothes.” “God damn.” “She should be at the train station in a couple of minutes,” Amanda’s mother said. “Could you please pick her up? I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.” “Sure,” I answered. “Thank you.” “No problem. But I’ve got to go now, otherwise I’ll be late and she could have left the train station,” I said. I hung up the phone and put on my coat. As I walked towards the train station, which was only ten minutes away, I thought about what I would do. I loved her, but of course I was still very angry with her. I kept thinking about it at the train station. Her train arrived and I saw her walking out. She saw me and walked to me. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “I got a call from you mother, who’s scared to death,” I explained. “I left a note.” “I know. But you couldn’t think about how other people would feel about this, could you?” I said as we started to walk to my place. “You’re. She was quite happy for our marriage to continue as before, understandable I suppose, as nothing had changed for her, well other than me knowing how she truly felt. The following year was a nightmare, easily the worst year of my life for me. Sadly I made it hell for my wife and the kids, as I tried and failed to come to terms with the sham my marriage was and apparently had always been. We split up after that year, as it proved that regardless of how much I still loved her, and I did, I could not live with her, knowing that it was not reciprocated.There followed a brief period with lots of dates, always with considerably younger women, a few of whom shared my bed for short periods, as I tried to regain my self-respect in the misguided belief that this would a young woman would do that as well as prove my manliness. All it did prove was that I was not cut out for the swinging life; I am by nature monogamous and for me sex, as important as it was in my life, needed to be part of.
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