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I was really shocked as I had no idea at stage about gay people or transgenders and pushed him away. We are talking about pre internet and even video's.Threw out my teens I kept thinking about what had happened and would masturbate over the thought of it. I had notice notes put on toilet block walls and sometimes I would go to a "beat" when the shops where open for late night shopping. I was always very nervous and would never stay long and just masturbate in the toilet block then get out.When I turned 18 I went into a sex shop for the first time and saw a magazine "transsexual climax" and immediately bought it. I masturbated time and time again over the pics and realized that I wished I was the tgirl in the mag. I finally got the nerve up and went to a Department store in another part of the city and bought a White Satin Basque, white lace panties and white stockings.That night I went to the beat wearing the lingerie under my normal clothes determined to have my first real sexual. The door opened before I reached it, and Josh was standing there with asmile on his face that melted the idea to run straight out of my mind. Ifhe was here, I would be okay. He was dressed much the same way I was:nice, but not formal. He had on a pair of slacks and a button up shirt,though the lack of a tie told me that I didn't have to worry aboutfitting into high society this evening."Hi, Sarah," he said with that voice that started to make my legs allwobbly again. How was I supposed to get over him when he had that kind ofan effect on me?"Hi, Josh," I replied. It sounded slightly too love-struck to my ears,though. Thankfully, he didn't seem to catch the tone in my voice. But theperson standing next to him did. I watched her lips tighten at theknowledge that I still had feelings for her brother, even if he wasn'treturning them. "Hi, Amanda," I said to her. Amanda Holliday and I hadgotten to know each other pretty well on the flight to Salt Lake City forthe concert, and I was happy.
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