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Every time he came closer with his rag, I shooed him away with another sawbuck and a wiggle of the latest installment of my attempt to drown in my misery. He was good at bringing a new cold one but, damn, he did have a thing for cleanliness. Looking into the flyspecked mirror – I guess it was just the bar he had this cleanin’ fetish about – I saw this pushin’ middle aged (and pushing very hard!) man peeking with red rimmed eyes through the nest of long necks. Being honest with myself – something I hadn’t done about Dottie for a long time – I conceded that I wasn’t like the handsome, virile young man I’d seen my ‘lovin’ wife’ with last night. Yeah, I could see a gleam of reflected light through the thinning hair on my head and the wrinkles around my eyes showed the effects of all those years working outdoors in the sun and weather at the ranch tryin’ to keep Dottie happy. I nodded to myself thinking once again that money didn’t buy happiness. I heard the clink of coins dropping into. Just a tiny little speck of light. What was it they always said in the movies, go to the light? I would if I knew how. I couldn’t feel my body so I guess moving was out of the question. How was I supposed to move to the light? Think my way there? Oh yeah, I guess that was pretty dumb. All I had was my thoughts. I concentrated on the light and it seemed to move closer. Well I think closer, or bigger or something. There really isn’t any sense of time or distance when you’re dead. This isn’t what I expected, but at least unlike the atheists I believed there was some form of life after death. I thought the light closer and closer, or was it bigger and bigger? Either way I could ‘feel’ it getting closer. Was that a sound? Music? No…not music, a sound. Constant, repetitive, soft, but getting slightly louder. Can you really hear when you’re dead? Yeah it was a sound. Quiet, soothing, repetitive, almost familiar. A beep, that’s what it was. A beeping. Soft, repetitive, soothing..
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