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I’m not saying that I wasn’t raped, but I know I have to change how I’m acting because if I don’t I will continue to be a victim. But there is probably one thing that I needed to hold onto. I know my best friend might not understand, but I think I had to hold onto it because if I didn’t then it puts it all on me. I had to believe that there is a little bit of good in my ex-boyfriend. If there wasn’t any good in him, if he didn’t care about me at all then what did that say about me. I had to believe that he had no idea that the guy would rape me. I had to believe that he would never want me hurt like that. Everyday it gets harder to believe that he had any feelings for me at all. Everyday I believe it less, but if he didn’t love me, if he didn’t have any feelings for me, then all the things I did just made me that much more a slut. But what hurts the most is that my best friend believes he knew about my rape, and my best friend believes that even worse he got even with me. But then it started to get later. She came home smelling of alcohol. Somehow I wasn't surprised.I asked her about it. She gave me the old line: "the gang just wanted to get together for a few drinks after work." Yeah, I'm sure they did.Sometimes she would come home from work way too late and then want to rape me. I would be asleep only to be woken up by Helen pulling my dick, getting it hard so she could climb on board. Suspicious? Who me?I was trying to remain rational about the whole thing. Okay, said I, let her sew some of her wild oats. Is it going to kill me? I'm not a wimp, and I'm not a cuckold. I'm a rational Homo sapien who is trying to understand a difficult situation. That's what I told myself.Things seemed to spiral out of hand. I got THE PHONE CALL; the "DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR WIFE IS?" phone call.I asked, "who the hell is this?"The caller said, "Your wife Helen. She's in bed with MY BOYFRIEND. Right now."I repeated, "who the hell is this?"The caller admitted to being.
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