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Yes, Mother,’ the reflection whispered. He managed to wash his face and brush his teeth in much the same way as a ferret manages to squeeze through a small hole in a wall, or as toothpaste as it is squeezed out of the tube: a wriggle and ooze. ‘Like my life,’ Jeremy thought, ‘More ooze than wriggle.’ Is that a telephone ringing? Jeremy placed his toothbrush and toothpaste back into the travel bag. Wasn’t there something else? Yes, there was something else. He could see the shaver watching him. In its shinny chrome, he saw his face warped as in a carnival mirror. He scratched his chin and heard the comforting clicks of his nails against the stubble. ‘I need to shave,’ he thought. Shaving seemed like rock climbing to Jeremy. It just seemed like more effort than it was worth. Hands touching rock, groping to find purchase, seeking a firm footing. There was so much area to cover and so much detail, and for what? A sense of accomplishment? ‘Rock climbing and shaving are solitary sports,’. “Mom, what is Dad getting you for Christmas?”Mom look startled, and her eyes locked onto Dad. Tension flooded from them.“I already have your father’s present,” she said, never looking away from him.“Show us, Mom. Come on,” Abby chirped.“Please, Mom,” Betty chipped in.“Oh, I couldn’t.”“Of course you can, Mom. Show us your present,” I said. I did not think about it being a command to a kitten, but it was.Mom’s eyes moved around the room, looking at each one of us. Then, in one smooth movement, she removed her big, bulky sweater, leaving herself naked to the waist. We all stared at Mom’s breasts which were big, high, firm, and, amazingly, had a small, gold ring through each nipple.“Breast implants,” she said. “Your father got me breast implants for Christmas. And, nipple rings.”That is the problem with inheriting kittens rather than making them kittens yourself. I never knew how the programming was done, what exactly the words were, what to expect in an unusual situation. But, that may.
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