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The kids, and they were truly kids, were all at least 10 years younger than me. I felt out of place almost all of the time.After that I tried a succession of jobs, failed at all of them, and had finally settled into a meaningless job as a security guard. I worked the four to midnight shift at a large pharmaceutical company, watching the people come and go who really ran the world. I had been off the teams for two years, and was quickly going down the tubes.I had started going to a nearby bar called Shakeys when I got off work to have a few drinks before I headed home. It was a noisy, smoky, metropolitan crowd with everything from rich kids looking for fun to blue collar guys like me just looking to get drunk. I sat at a booth at the back, sucking down a couple of beers when I saw her come into the bar. It wasn't that she didn't fit, she looked outwardly like any of a dozen other rich girls in the bar who were looking for sex, or drugs, or some complicated guy to bring some excitement. It can deaden your pain somewhat but I guarantee you are still thinking about what you have lost. It can't make you forget. You really don't want to forget. All you want to do is lose the pain. Honey the only way you can lose the pain is to move on."After Charlene died I did the same thing you are doing. I sat down here for hours at a time, day after day trying to make myself feel better and wallowing in my sorrow. I was miserable. Your mother and grandmother finally talked some sense into me. You have to let it go and move on. I know I wasn't injured physically like you and your uncle Jeff was but I had a soul searing, soul destroying loss. I really didn't care if I lived or died for a while. At least in one way what happened to you is better than what happened to me. You didn't lose someone you loved. You can do other things and be happy."You know many people believe things always happen for a reason. If I hadn't lost Charlene I wouldn't have met your mother whom I love very.
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