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To be fair, I put some of it on myself, but I can never really parse out how much of it was my own creation and how much was my parents assignment of a role to me.For example, I took responsibility for my younger siblings, trying to protect them and keep them from getting in trouble. Of course, my parents held me responsible for their behavior, but I embraced that responsibility and tried to make it work.I took punishments for them when I could - when I was brave enough. I felt like a coward when I wasn't brave enough and I felt like a failure when I couldn't play the system well enough to get punished in their place.At night, sometimes I would lay in bed, listening to one of my brothers or sisters being spanked and I would cry into my pillow wishing I could be the one getting it. I hated hearing their cries and the sound of a hand - or the almost-silent sound of the hairbrush - hitting them rhythmically.The cries would sometimes turn to screams and usually begging: "Please Mommy!. I cannot believe how much I want to keep it. Admit it, I like the women, too. I'm still thinking about this morning's bedroom fun.What about Duke? Your son's looking up to you, trusting you to make this right.Isn't he? He never displayed any hesitation. Suddenly, last night he's all smiles and understanding. Was he... manipulating me? If so, even a little, he's even smarter than I thought. Wow, good job young man! But, I'm thinking he's a little conflicted too. Some of what he said came from the heart.What do I do? I have to go along anyway. May as well enjoy the ride. Just keep my eyes open. It's my only option."We should start off slowly." Richard cautioned. "Once the deacons are ... on our side, and maybe a few other families, the elders' wives will practically drag them down here." And since you're denying everything, and we'll make sure everyone else who returns does the same, it will get more and more difficult for them to accuse you of any wrong." Perry concluded."Your plan is.
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