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I was too embarrassed, like I thought everyone else in the whole world knew what happened.I knew it was just bad to start having the entire neighborhood over for my satisfaction, but every time I thought of having a man inside me, it made me wet. As the next several days wore on, I touched myself often, fantasizing about being with a man, wondering if sex would be that way when I got married. I was initially afraid of pregnancy., but it was a passing thing. My Daddy would be so angry when he found out. I knew he would, it was just a matter of time. But in the mean time, I figured to just let things happen. Somehow I was more afraid of telling Daddy than his confronting me when he did find out. Overall, I was still very nervous, though. Finally, I didn’t have a choice. I had to go down the street, past the house where the guy lived. Mom had a bunch of papers she wanted delivered to her friend’s house down the block, and since she and Dad were at work, a simple phone call. But with his death had come bills and more bills and the swimming pool now seemed only a distant dream. Joel just didn't seem to understand how difficult it was for a single mom. His friends in the neighborhood and at school had such nice things. No wonder Joel felt entitled. Joel had mentioned the swimming pool several times and kept throwing up in her face the fact that virtually every family on Locust street had one. Maybe, she thought, if I can find that second job, I can start putting back something for a pool. It would take a good while, she realized but since it seemed to mean so much to Joel... Speaking of which she was going to have to have a talk with her son. He was obviously reaching adolescent sexual awakening. She knew that it was normal for youngsters his age to peruse girlie magazines and even dabble on some of the internet porn sites, but his comments about her affair with that dreadful store manager were way out of line. Yes, she had made a mistake in allowing him.
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