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The new car was a more upmarket model in which we had a test drive and thought we had got a great bargain. When taking the test drive there was one test we forgot to try and discovered the problem on our next long motorway journey. As we drove along Jean lifted her dress up and pushed her knickers around her ankles and it wasn’t until I reached over I found that my fingertips just about touched her. We had bought a car wider than our previous one and were sitting further apart in the new one. My initial reaction was disappointment, I would no longer be able to stroke and finger Jean while travelling on the motorway. It was the following year when we were going away for a short holiday and had been on the motorway for over an hour when Jean said she missed what we used to do in the car. We then came to a congested section of the motorway where all the vehicles had to slow down Jean suggested I move over to the inside lane and once we were crawling along she pulled the hem of her dress. I could tell she resented me for the pain I caused. I deserved all of it, of course. But I couldn't take the thought of keeping her caged in unhappiness when she deserved to be someone's one and only. To be someone's dearest love and not just my "second choice." After I succumbed to my foolish weaknesses, our relationship became obsolete. There was nothing to try and save, no matter how much we both wanted to make it all work out. I couldn't make her happy and setting her free was the best thing I could do for her. Even if it did hurt the both of us. It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't.
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