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I've noticed that he keeps staring at me, I can't tell but I think he's been erect most times I've caught him.Today he got a package in the mail he was very secretive about. He took it down in his room before he even opened it, then I heard him laughing downstairs. He sounded kind of evil, oh god that sounds terrible for a mother to say. My therapist has advised me that when I'm feeling anxious about something I should keep my thoughts written down, so this is me doing that. Ideally this will only go for an entry or two, then I can rip it up.His dad, Ed is away on a business trip for the week. I'll be really happy when he comes home, is it a sign I'm a bad mother that being in the same house as my son has me a bit on edge?Friday, August/23/2019I finally found out what Jacob's new toy was. He brought it upstairs tonight, at first I thought it was a fleshlight. That would be a bit creepy to show me, given that I'm his mother, but thankfully I was wrong. It was some kind of light. It. Still, I knew that I wouldn't be able to relax as my mind would be stuck on unreturned phone calls, unfinished projects and so on. Even now, I'd rather not think about all the work I have to finish. Joanne's excitement about our little holiday together though was contagious and I began to think maybe I will be able to have some fun.I had stayed at the office really late on the Thursday night before leaving and consequently did not get much sleep as our flight left very early Friday morning. So by the time we arrived on board the ship and into our cabin, I headed for the nearest bed, the one on the left, and claimed it as mine. Joanne bounced onto the other bed. I only wished that I had the same level of energy. "I can't believe that we're finally here," she said, bending her legs towards her chest and then stretching them out again."I'm exhausted," I mumbled and then yawned as I rolled over onto my stomach."You've been working too much lately. It's good that you're here... to relax,".
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