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He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired.." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."# 4A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The. Are you always so quiet?” Even then she’d had that sensual, warm oil voice, that tiny, enigmatic smile.No, I wasn’t; my silence was her fault, but I said, “Uh, yeah, mostly. Jake talks enough for both of us.”She laughed, and at that moment I was ready to fall on my knees and beg Jake to let me have her. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. I had the momentary thought that, having seen her first, I should have called ‘dibs’. As semi-adults, however, ‘dibs’ was presumably no longer valid; I’m not sure it would have applied to another human being in any event… but god, how I wanted her! ~~~~~~~~~ By the time the fall semester began she was his, and I was depressed. Jake and Teri seemed only to have time for each other, my best buddy’s lack of interest in me only deepening my depression; when I needed him most, he was otherwise involved and in large part, the cause of my angst. I felt like I’d lost them both in one fell swoop – or one swell foop, as I often malaprop it.I tried to.
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