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To experience that day after day, for me at least, is worth suffering for ... and even dying for.But for a moment, when the car arrived 5:59pm, I felt that panicked sensation once again. My life is over if I step into that car. My heart raced as it pulled to the curb. I nearly turned around and walked away before I heard his voice. It was Alex. He stepped around from behind the car and opened the door for me."I was afraid you might get cold feet."Alex said with a big smile.My mind went blank again. I smiled back and stepped inside the SUV.That's it. I'm done. I'm fucking finished.Alex reached over and pat me on the shoulder. "I bet you are excited." He said grinning. "I have to say that envy is a relatively unfamiliar emotion for me ... but today, I'm genuinely envious of you."His eyebrows raised. "How about a glimpse of what you've got to look forward to?" He gripped a large laptop out of his briefcase, twisted it open, and handed it to me. As the page loaded, he pulled down the. He got into my head, my panties, and my bed. He was most welcome in all of those places. Inevitably he also found his way into my heart, and that protected him for a while. I believed what he said, and I just didn't see what he did.Long story short, I eventually came to my senses. I kicked him out of my bed, told him he could keep the panties, and to please take his lies with his sorry ass, and never come back.I tried to move on. I attempted to grieve. I got drunk and let a stranger fuck me, and then woke up beside him the next morning, and let him do it again sober. I'm not saying it was without merit, but it didn't work.So for a while I just kept moving. Spent my day at the office, and then the evenings at home. I watched a lot of TV, and ate a lot of ice cream.It took two months before Rick confronted me, and told me I needed to find a way to put this thing away. He stood in front of me after I stumbled out from the shower, unprepared, and unable to defend myself. What can you do.
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