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. . I’ll go to yoga or something.’ ‘Yeah, go to yoga. And wear those tight little pants you got at LuLuLemon that show off your cock. You’ll get attention.’
‘From gay guys. I’ll get attention from gay guys,’ I said.
‘Hey, attention is attention and right now you just need to be reminded that you actually have a penis and that that bitch didn’t put it in her purse when she broke your heart and crushed the pieces with those stupid fucking boots of hers.’
So anyway I was at yoga when it happened. If you’re a straight man who’s ever been to a hot yoga class you know it’s a sea of astonishing asses in skin-tight pants all pointed in the air and swaying in the breeze like strangely fuckable trees. In the past I’d always tried not to stare. Not to lust. Not to fantasize. Partly because I was a married man and married men weren’t supposed to do that. And partly because . . . well, because I didn’t like the thoughts that came welling up when I did. But this time I did stare. And I did. I realized that I was never going to get him in time and vaguely wondered how it was going to feel to get shot.Michael came out of nowhere, firing and pushing me aside and down just as a burst reached us. A round slammed into me and finished the job Michael started. I remember laying there on the cool floor gasping for breath."Jeeeze... that hurt!" I thought. The right side of my rib cage felt crushed.All of a sudden it was very quiet except for the loud hiss of the gas canisters, and some sobbing. It all seemed far away. The front doors burst open and several gas mask wearing SWAT team member raced inside."They're too late. It's all over. FBI to the rescue." I thought.Then I realized I hadn't seen Michael get up. My injuries seemed unimportant and my blood turned cold."Michael, where are you?"I groaned as I rolled over. I knew I had some broken ribs but my vest had saved my life. Later I was told the round that hit me came in at an angle otherwise it most probably have penetrated.
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