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This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been. This wasn’t so unusual initself; he got up for work relatively early. What WASunusual was that he hadn’t woken her up for a quickkiss goodbye. Besides, she mused, it was Sunday… heshould be still in bed. She was about to get up and puton her bathrobe to investigate when the object of hercuriosity walked through the bedroom door. He was carrying a tray laden with food and she settledback onto the bed with a sigh of contentment. Breakfastin bed! He pulled back the covers with one hand,precariously balanced tray, and cuddled up next to her.On the tray were all sorts of goodies: hot chocolatefor her and coffee for him, croissants, cut fruit,sausages and (to her bewildered amusement) a bottle ofmaple syrup. She looked up into his face, meaning to ask him whatthey’d need the syrup for, but the look in his eyessilenced her. She had seen that look before and italways meant there was fun ahead. Her stomach flutteredwith the possibilities and her hand shook the mug.
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