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Meredith, you show up on the schedule each time as the only Acolyte with a hooded alb each time. Do you deny it?” She fidgeted for a minute, and I could tell she was calculating something in her mind. But, with a sly grin she finally said, “No, I do not.” “And what about Erica?” I asked. “Is she telling the truth?” Again, another mental calculation, followed by another grin and a “Yes.” “Well, what do we do now? I’ll leave it to you. Do I call the police and your parents, or will you accept my punishment and penance here and now? I’ll give you a minute while I search your lockers for the wine.” As the girls whispered in conference, I opened Erica’s locker first. Other than her purse and some gum, there was nothing. I closed the locker and went to Meredith’s. To no surprise, the wine was in her locker, along with what appeared to be the street clothes that she had been wearing when she arrived at church earlier, which seemed rather curious. Removing the bottle, I closed her locker.. Got baked beans inOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... in a Jumbo Jet ‘Cos the Lord aint built ... no runways yetOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... in a rocking chair ‘Cos the Lord don’t want ... no rockers thereOh you’ll never get to heaven ... in a sardine tin ‘Cos the Lord don’t let ... no fishy ones inOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... in an apple tree ‘Cos an apple tree... ‘s got roots you seeOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... on roller skates ‘Cos you’d roll right past ... them Pearly GatesOh you’ll l never get to Heaven ... in a Playtex bra ‘Cos a Playtex bra ... won’t stretch that farOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... with a bottle of gin ‘Cos St Peter won’t let ... no spirits inOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... on water skis ‘Cos the angels don’t ... like those hairy kneesOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... with powder and paint ‘Cos it makes you look ... like what you ain’tOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... in a strapless gown ‘Cos a strapless gown ... might fall right down”There.
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