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I love him, with all my heart. He is the only guy that I have ever been with. We tell each other everything, from our darkest fantasies to our darkest secrets. But lately, all he ever does is work. All he gives me is false hope and broken promises. "Are you mocking me?" I ask, angry. "You think that after ignoring me for almost one month, that I'm going to forgive you just because you said 'Let's go on a road trip'?! Do you think I'm stupid?" "Sally, baby, how am I mocking you? How am I indicating that you're stupid? You complain that we hardly do anything. You complain that I don't pay attention to you anymore. I'm telling you, let's go on a road trip. Let's go have fun! You want fun, don't you? You want us to do something, don't you?" Fun. Fun use to be us laying in bed, exhausted after incredible sex. Whispering our darkest fantasies to each other as he held me close to him. "You're saying this only so I would let you off the hook, Chad! I already know where this is going. I'm. . Promise?" "Promise."So I found myself standing in front of John, licking my lips and trying tocalm my nerves."Close your eyes, if it helps," Jill said, and so I did, and the nextthing I felt was a pair of lips touching mine.Like the old saying, I was sixteen and had never been kissed, but almostthe second the kiss started it felt like I was on fire, as a glow workedits way from my stomach and spread in all directions till I felt like aliving flame.When he stopped I shook, and then without saying anything to anybody I ranupstairs, out of Jill's house, and ran home.I ran all the way into my bedroom, and sobbed into a pillow.What had happened to me? What was wrong with me. To kiss him as a game,sure, but to like it? Was I gay?I finally did something I had never done before, I began to examine my ownmind, gently and carefully poking around the edges.Who was I?Was I gay? I wasnt sure, but somehow, that didnt seem to fit.I started looking back at my life up until that point, and realized.
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