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If you have any doubts, this is the time to deal with them. Itmight be too late to change your mind once you get the surgery andstart taking female hormones. And if you do start taking the hormonesand have the surgery, then you really will be like me. It won't bemake believe anymore."I told her I couldn't think of anyone better to be like than her. "Allmy life I've wanted to be just like you."Mom laughed and said, "I know you do sweetie. And to be honest withyou, I've never understood why. I always thought that boys who wantedto be girls wanted to be real girls instead of old women like theirmothers. I just hope you'll be very happy as a woman." Me too," I said.She walked over to her dresser and trimmed the ash from cigarette intoan ashtray. "I'll tell you something," she said, "If you promise notto get mad." Okay. Tell me. I want to know." Promise you won't get mad?" she asked.I promised.She grinned broadly. "I'm really excited about this," she confided."But the last. I wait for mommy to respond seeing the pinkgirly brush that looks weird on my dresser surrounded by all my boystuff.Mommy puts her hands under my arm and lifts me back on the edge of my bedas she starts to put some socks on me. At least they are my socks, butthey do look kind of smaller or shorter then my normal socks. On theother hand, maybe they're not mine. "Yes you do have to wear this cuteoutfit and don't worry about Lauryn teasing you, they're not her clothes,they are Beth's old clothes. I still can't believe how good they fit you,not tight at all if anything they're a little loose on you," Mommy says."You mean I am wearing little baby Beth's old clothes, not even herregular clothes, and that is supposed to make me feel better mommy?" Ilook down at mommy sliding my sneakers on both my feet and feeling theVelcro straps being pulled over.Mommy picks me up and I feel each one of my legs on each side of her hipsas my legs just dangle as mommy carries me like I am a toddler.
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