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So, you'd betterthink hard before you give me your answer.' She was mad, of course. ?You're mad,' I screamed at the top of my voice. ?Youwouldn't do that. HELP! HELP ME SOMEBODY! HELP!' ?You're wasting your breath, Derek. They've all gone. You see, it was a simplematter to persuade them, when I rang, that I could inform the police abouttheir sordid party and that if I told the police what was going on here thenthe house would certainly be raided. So they agreed to let me join the partyand devise a fitting punishment for you in return for my silence. Then, whenI worked out my punishment, I gave them a broad outline of what I was goingto do, omitting the distasteful details about your final penalty of course,and they agreed they would all leave the house after your six screws. I thinkthey went off to some motel or other to finish their evening activities. Sothere is absolutely no point in shouting. No point at all. There's nobody inthe house, except you and me, and the nearest. Early December – Charlie People think it’s easy to do this Santa Claus crap at the department stores. I’m here to tell you it’s one hell of a lot of work. All day, every day for a few weeks in that damn Santa get up. How would you like to wear that sweat soaked outfit day after day until it gets so wet and smelly so that you couldn’t stand it yourself. And the kids? People have this strange idea that, especially at Christmas time, kids are charming little angels. They are not! Most of them are little devils that pull on my beard to see if it’s real then put their gum in it when they find out it’s not. Spiteful brats! All day, every day … ‘Santa, I want a Playstation 3. Make sure it’s a 3 ’cause I already got a 2 and I don’t want another one of those. Are you really that fat? Is that you that smells?’ Or, ‘Mr. Santa Claus? You have to give me two Barbie dolls this year ’cause last year I only got one and my friend Jamie got two. So, Mr. Santa Claus, you won’t be fair if you don’t.
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