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I don't know how to be mad at you. I... I'm... I'm struggling to say this. I don't want you to leave, but...Oh God." I took a deep breath. "I want you to stay, but it's up to you. I think, maybe I could have coped if you'd talked to me... if I knew why... if I had some say." I stopped for another breath. "But if you can bear to stay... to work with me on this... I think we could make our marriage more exciting, if that's what you need... if that's what it takes." Well done," she said, brightening up a little more. "That looked like it was hard work."That actually made me feel better. The shake had gone out of her voice— not totally cool and business like the way she could be, but calmer.By then I'd sat down. I was shaky and needed the stability. I had both elbows on the counter and was holding my chin in my hands. I forced myself to raise my head and look at her."Well?" I feel bad about Dean and Jay," she said."Does that mean you care about them? Love them?" No, no, no, it's not like. If you want me to grovel, I will.”“I want you to understand how badly you hurt me.”“Penny was fairly clear about that,” I replied. “She insisted I call back right away.”“And if she hadn’t?”“Who knows?” I sighed. “I’m here, I’m sorry, and I’m asking for your forgiveness.”“I love you, but you can’t say things like that to people.”“I know.”“If you know, then why do it?”“I lost my temper because I was angry and frustrated. It’s no excuse, but it is what happened.”“I thought you had that under control; it appears you don’t. Or have you not been following your diet and exercise regimen, or not getting enough sleep?”“I think I have,” I replied. “I do violate the carb limits on occasion, but I haven’t in the past ten days or so. And when I do, I make sure I get extra exercise. And yes, Al and Mary Whittaker know about those occasional violations.”“I want you to have a complete physical and see Doctor Mercer.”“I am seriously busy and have a lot of travel coming up in the next.
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