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” Then a long pause and, “Maybe if I was real drunk." “So,” said I. “I’ll have to get you drunk?”“No,” Roy said, “I’m really not interested.”Bummer for me, right? Well we saw each other often over the next three years and of course, I had the urge to ask him again but I never brought it up.Then last year Roy was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt one day and I could see his nipple and it was pierced. I said, “So your nipples are pierced?”‘Yea,” he said as he lifted his shirt, pulled on one of the rings. “Go ahead,” he laughed, “it doesn’t hurt.”So I pulled and played with his nipple rings. And Roy didn’t stop me for a good fifteen minutes. But that was all that happened that day. I was still scared of pushing my desire. I was reeling inside with wanting to give him a blow job but I resisted. The desire and the wanting never left my mind. Last week Roy came over and sat in my office with me. When he stretched back in the chair, his shirt went up exposing the dark hairline again that started. I do not understand the exact reason why, but about two years ago, I started to become obsessed with my wife’s past with Black Men. Maybe it was because I had a lot of time on my hands since I was between jobs. During this time, my self-confidence began to wane. For reasons still unknown to me, I started thinking about her having that Black c***d. I began to sulk about us, after all these years, not having any c***dren of our own. I felt inadequate and started to believe that my wife was secretly thinking of her former Black Lovers during our increasingly less frequent sex sessions. A factor in why I may have begun to have these thoughts is that a few years after we married, we discovered that I am medically unable to have c***dren. Still, despite this, my wife never complained and stayed with me. She did this even though I know she very badly wanted to have a family. Her loyalty and faithfulness to me should have made me value her more, but I was too self-absorbed. She had always.
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