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Nipple pegs dancing with each slap across my unpretty face. "Bitch. Bitch. Bitch." Grabbing at the pegs. Rough. Uncaring. Pulling them from my flesh in single rabid movements the pain an explosion of deserved self-abuse. Flinging them at the vision before me only to have them bounce ineffectually off the thick glass sheets that trap us, separate us. "Bitch. Bitch. Bitch." No longer just a thought; a screamed exhalation filling the air, invading my ears, caressing my trembling, twitching flesh. I wish for variety, to find other words; slut and whore, slag and cunt and cow and; but they won't come. I grab at my breasts, fingernails digging deep, try to pluck the words from my being, twisting, gouging, scraping, skin trapped beneath my nails, glorious red furrows brilliant on my flesh. "Bitch. Bitch. Bitch." Railway tracks dragged across my heaving stomach, reaching for the spatula. Glorious firm unforgiving wood to caress my flesh, to swat, to shape, to punish, to bruise. Pathetic. The closer the clouds came, louder became footsteps, which we started tohear at the same time. We both got scared as the footsteps got closer.Then the doorknob started to turn. Don't open the door no, don't! I wasnot ready for that door to open." Sarah, does the door open?" It never does but I get so scared just thinking of it. I never knew thatpeople could have waking nightmares. That is the best way to describeit." Have you ever told Sally about it." No, for we are not close. I am going to see her when I go home thisweekend and tell her about it." Sarah only do so if you are ready to be truthful about this side of youto her. You need to be honest with her about what this is about. Also,don't give her too much information about it." I will Naomi, why do you say this?" To me, this sounds like a repressed memory coming to the surface. If itis, Sally might have been told not to ever say anything about it to you.If she doesn't know why, she might lie to save you from shame.
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