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One in the pipe. He would tell me to take off my shirt, and I would whip the gun out. There would be a moment – we would finally share a moment. He would understand that I never wanted him. Never wanted his affection. His praise. His favour. I would have him kill me, rather than feel his eyes on me again. And as I squeeze the trigger, he would know the best part of his day was the worst part of my life. The part that gives me nightmares. And I would squeeze the trigger. Again and again and again until he’s just a steaming mass of gore on the scuzzy old hotel carpet. That’s for what you did to me. That’s for what you did to us. That’s for what you want to do. Eight months. It’s been eight months since I breathed free air. Eight months since I saw my best friend. Six months since I thought of stirring rebellion. Four months since I lost hope of escape. Now I fantasize about killing Michael. I kill him. The guards hear the shots. They bust in the door, and gun me down. I hit. A sudden cool wind blew across the field, which made me shiver and realize I was still naked. I grabbed some clothes from my car, quickly dressed, started my car and drove out of the grounds. It looked as though no one had been in the area for months. There were even weeds growing in the gravel road. I began to wonder if I was losing my mind and the whole weekend had been a massive delusion. But I had the new ritual robe that was not the same one I had packed and I had the letter from Lina. Those were real.By the time I arrived at home, I had decided to just wait and see what would happen. If it was a delusion, I guessed I would find out soon enough. If it was real, I guessed I would find that out too. I threw a few things in the washer, then jumped into the shower. When I got out and was looking in the mirror, I realized I had a new tattoo on my shoulder; it was a small, but unmistakable pentagram. There was no redness or soreness a new tattoo would normally have. It was almost like.
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