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I knew I could never compete with that, and it was always in the back of my mind.She sniffed back tears, and said, “Please say something, Darling. Please talk to me...”She deserved this. It was my responsibility to let her off the hook and make her feel as comfortable in her decision as possible. We’d never live down the scandal if our relationship ere to become public, and she had lived with that pressure from that first night, right through the time Chasen discovered us in bed, and until that very moment when she finally built up the courage to tell me.Rather than torment her, I gave her a sad smile, kissed her, and said, “Deirdre ... you mean the world to me, but I know you need a home and family of your own, and we both know that I can’t give you that. I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy even more than I want you to stay with me.“When are you thinking of leaving?” I was almost afraid to hear the answer, but needed to know the whole story. If she is engaged to. You know damn well that you can't afford to careabout anyone in this line of work."By, it's gettin' a bit parky out there," remarks yet another of theregulars as he comes through the door, as if the gradual fall intemperature is a phenomenon only he has been blessed with the ability toexperience.The geezer's right, though. Toby wonders just how far north they've senthim. Nottingham's the normal limit of his travels, and even there he alwaysfeels that if he sticks his heel into the grass it'll meet permafrost.Walking up from the car park next to the bus station - it's a bus stationin the sense that Linda McCartney is a virtuoso keyboard player - he'dwatched the old church you could see from New Stranton disappear before hiseyes in churning clouds of fog. It's supposed to be June, for Christ'ssake. What do you get for living here, government-issue long johns and afree instruction booklet on how to make igloos?Then there's the accent. If the locals had spoken proper Geordie he mighthave.
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