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What we had done felt nice. But, it wasn't satisfaction for me. It helped me safely try out and observe a few aspects of being a woman but that was all.Between the physical me and the mental me, I was still divided. There was a division between mind and body which made anything we did only a play game.The next baby step, I could only take with the help of professionals. The first of these steps would be to again go into counseling. This time I needed someone more understanding and sympathetic to my intentions.My problem was that I was that woman in the mirror. However it had happened, I had been born with the wrong gender. She was what I should have been and what I had to be, to become whole and content with myself and my life. Anything less was insufficient.Playing the part, without the intentions of actually becoming what I needed to be, should have been, was only self-abuse. That is why, I perceived the young woman in Janice's mirror, to be mocking me.It's a difficult decision to. Harvey still crying a little but had also calmed down alot said to me "your so beautiful and i love you with all my heart" me in the same emmtional state said "harvey i love you too so so much. how did you afford to get to italy?" "i spoke to your parents baby and they gave me the money to come and get you" there was a knock on the door and i answered it after drying my eyes it was my room service so i signed for it and closed the door behind me i turned to harvey and said "are you hungry baby?" "yeah i really am" smiling at me as he said it so harvey walked over to the room service and looked at it and said "this isnt the kind of food you would normally eat" smiling at harvey said "i know babe but ive been comfort eating for the past 4 days. so when we get back to L.A i need a full week at the gym meaning every day" so me and harvey ate and i said to him i needed a shower "wanna join me?" harvey smiled at me and followed me into the bathroom as soon as he closed the door i pinned.
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