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I was no longer transforming. That was over and done with. I was supposed to be stable for the next four years. But clearly I wasn?t stable.Not only that, it was obvious from the agony I was in that this was far more than a normal period. Something was going terribly wrong with me inside. I placed a hand gently over where I knew my womb was, feeling the gut-twisting pain as my uterus tried to rip itself apart. I was able to keep from screaming, but I wasn?t sure how long I?d be able to hold on.It was clear to me that I was dying. The pain, the blood, the impossibility of it all. As Crystal held me under the shower to wash us both off, I couldn?t hold back any longer. I started to cry.It was odd. I would have never let myself cry as a man. You just have to bear the pain, whatever it is. But as a girl it was okay. It was one of the things I had appreciated about being female - expressing emotions that men had to hide. Life as a girl had been good while it lasted. I. Her biggest fear is that her mind would follow her body and they would own that too....Rape attacked the most intimate parts of her body and soul. Sexuality, normally a part of a safe, intimate relationship, was turned into a monstrous, invasive and unpredictable situation. It created a special tormenting feeling of complicity in her. It was probably when the tenth man raped her that Kristen had an orgasm. It was obvious from her cries. Nagel taunted her for cumming and this hurt her too. Humiliation and shame was added to the pain they were causing her. She had been forced to experience sexual arousal during rape; and this made her feel especially guilty. The human body often reacts to stimulus whether the mind wants it too or not. Kristen ended up thinking - ‘there must be something wrong with me to cum while I’m being raped’. The humiliation and shame she felt in the torture situation would stay with her for years. And, Nagel was not finished with her. True to his.
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