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Now we're out of time. We've got to go and you're coming whether you like it or not." I crumpled to the ground with grief while Kit urged me to get up. Time was running out or the cops were going to find us, but I no longer cared. I felt hollow. My hand went to my stomach and I found myself wishing distantly that I had gotten pregnant. I was desperate to have any piece of him back. It had happened too quickly. Things had gone from good to bad to good and now the pendulum had swung back to bad again, only now it was stuck on bad. When you're dead you don't come back. It's a lesson I had learned the hard way. Another lesson I learned was that the ones you left behind kept on loving and needing you after you were gone. Your absence only made more acute the loss and pain they felt. It's very selfish but it's inescapable. Kit got me to my feet somehow. The whole time I let my captor lead me back to the place of my birth, he kept saying that if Gary was OK, and he was sure that he was, he. I could not remember how. I did not care. All I knew was that i was standing at her door. In one hand, a card, signed with a comment about ‘penelope’. An inside joke that I knew would make her smile. In the other, an address scribbled down on a piece of paper, the one she had jokingly given me during one of our titanfall nights. ‘As if you would ever come out here,’ she had told me. ‘Who knows? Maybe I’ll just use it to send you something for your birthday,’ I had replied, knowing she was probably right. But here I was, at her doorstep, wondering if my jeans and button up shirt were too flashy or too casual. I knew she would be surprised to see me, hopefully a happy sort of surprised. Hopefully not the ‘call the cops’ kind of surprised. I crumpled up the address and stepped up the stairs. The sounds of my knuckles rapping against the cool surface echoed in the silent air. I strained my ears, hoping I would hear footstep on the other side of the door. So suddenly that I actually.
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