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And those kisses had suggested it could be the way I wanted it to be ... except not if she was disappointed in me.I think I understand people who commit suicide a little better. Things go wrong for them, and it piles up and there just comes a time when you think, "What the fuck. This isn't any fun and it's not going to get any more fun, and at least if I croaked I wouldn't be thinking about all this any more."Not that I was suicidal. I mean it wasn't that bad. But the final and irrevocable death of the relationship would be kind of like that. It would be over, and I could go back to looking for the owner of the grocery list, as pathetic as I knew that was.Which was why, when I pulled up in front of her house, I decided to commit romantic suicide."Thanks," she said tiredly. She reached for the door handle."Wait!" My voice cracked.She leaned back and looked at me expectantly."I need to tell you something."She sat there, waiting.I am not an orator. I don't write speeches, and I sure as. "That was...I dont even know how to describe what that was" she said."Liked that, did you?" I smiled."You would have to be dead not to like that. Im not sure I could go through it too often though. I think I would explode. I thought I had. How did you learn to do that?" When I was 16 or so, a lady in her mid 20s moved in next to my parents. She was a nurse and worked long shifts, so she would pay me to do chores around her house. She was very relaxed about clothing when I was there at the same time she was. She caught me taking peeks at her, and things just went from there. She was my first, and taught me a few tricks about pleasing women. Ive done it before, but never while riding along. You are so responsive though, I couldnt resist trying it. I had a feeling you would enjoy it. I know I did." If your first was with an older woman, why did you question my desire to be with an older man?" Her interest in me was purely sexual. She broke it off as soon as she got a.
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