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I wanted tocry."Don't be such a baby," Carla said. "Lots of guys get their ears piercedthese days. Fiona and I will help you take care of them so your earsdon't fall off." Both girls giggled but I wasn't amused. I thought Momwould freak when she saw the pierced ears but her only comment was that Ilooked very handsome.Fiona called me into her bedroom later that evening and I cringed. Ialready started to associate my sister's bedroom with bad news. I wasn'twrong."You're going to practice applying your own lipstick."I was tempted to punch her in the face right then but I knew I couldn't.She sat me down at her desk. There was a lipstick tube, a hand mirrorand a box of tissues. She demonstrated on herself and then had mepracticing for the next half hour. I thought I had it down pretty goodafter about 15 minutes but she insisted I continue."You'll get to the point where you'll be able apply your lipstickperfectly without even thinking about it." I don't want to get to that. I want you so badly, and I know you want me. What are you afraid of?’ Her words were so soft, but she’d got me figured out and I was sure she wouldn’t settle for anything other than the truth. On top of that, I loved her, she deserved the truth. Thinking about what Charlie and I had discussed in the park, I knew I should tell her my realisations. I took a deep breath and grasped her hand securely. ‘I’m afraid that I haven’t changed enough, and if I do the one thing I do know how to do it will prove I’m not good enough for you. I’ve had sex so many times, but I’m not sure I can make love. I’ve been trying to come up with a way for it to be just right, to make sure you know how much you mean to me and that I am not the same man who used to flirt with you, I’m one who is in love with you.’ ‘Baby, I know you love me. Every little thing we do together, for me, is so much more special than any time I’ve done it before. Don’t you feel that way?’ ‘Yes, I do. I just…I worry I’m going to mess.
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