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I don’t remember what I chose.2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.4. Impotence: nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings...”5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.7. There are three stages in a man’s life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.8. Virginity can be cured.9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.13. Question: What’s an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with. I was only thankful that it was my fortnight to have Greta with me, or she might have been in the car that night, but now I had sole custody of my little girl. As a divorced single father, I saw a few women over the years. I had a few flings, the occasional one night stand, even a couple of relationships, but I never settled down with any of them. I came close one time with a lady called Mandy, but she got a job transfer to Kuala Lumpur and that was the end of that. I know Kelly saw a couple of guys early in the piece, but she tended to keep her love life to herself, even though we were close. There was one guy called Andy who used to come and go. He worked in some government job that involved travel and overseas postings, and he would be around for a while and then he’d be off the scene, sometimes for a year or more. Then, he would be back, and they’d pick up again until he moved off on one of his postings. There may have been others, but like I said, Kelly kept that sort of thing.
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