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When we parted, we were both breathless. I was ready to take it further, but Mom just wanted to sit on the porch and snuggle. I accepted that, hoping we would do something later."So, have you picked a name for the baby (the doctor had told her that it was going to be a boy)?" I asked."No, not yet, but I like Shawn." That's a good name." After I had you, I was going to name the next baby Shawn, if it was a boy. Of course your father would never let me have another baby," she added rather sadly."You wanted lots of kids, didn't you?" I did." Well, now you have one more."Mom thought for a moment and said, "Yes. All children are a miracle, but it would have been nice if your father had been willing and if he hadn't been ... well, you know how he is," she said as tears came to her eyes."Sorry Mom, I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject." No, it isn't a sore subject. Your father is the only sore subject. I can love the baby without guilt now. You have helped me accept my mistake and I. But surely they had become aware of the fact that on certain days she was now the first one to leave instead of the very last as was usual, and that during the days which followed she was altogether much more gracious and pleasant to work with. Anita wondered sometimes if they speculated together about the cause of these sudden shifts in her demeanor.If they only knew, she would think, and sometimes actually giggled to herself, which would have astonished any of the people who worked for her. Most of them, she was sure, would testify in court that she never even smiled, much less giggled.And if they thought that giggling was unlikely, Anita couldn’t begin to imagine what they would think if they could see her racing through the evening traffic on those special nights, often with one hand on the wheel and the other inside the pants of her conservative business clothes, cupping and squeezing herself through her panties, her mouth hanging open with excitement. Sometimes she thought.
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