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Three little words and I couldn’t say them. I thought them often. I said them in my mind when I looked at him sleeping next to me, when he cooked in our little kitchen, when he laughed. I thought of the words every single day but they refused to roll from my tongue. I tried to show him every day how I felt. I tried to convey it in every touch, in every word (all but those three he needed to hear) and in every thing I did. ‘I… I…’ I couldn’t even finish the sentence. He sighed and I heard the door close. He had left. I felt my eyes fill with the tears I had refused to let him see. He left for a business trip and would be gone for a week, I missed him already. It killed me to have disappointed him when he was going away. The look in his eyes when I started to stutter was all I could remember. Hurt and disappointment filled his eyes and then he was gone. I was left behind with my thoughts. On the first day I thought only about how difficult it was for me to say it aloud, how scared. Five minutes later a nice little fire was burning, the wood inside was so dry that there was barely any smoke,what there was was drifting out the door. “ God that feels good” she had pulled the bale closer and kicked of her boots to warm her feet, “still soaked but better”. I asked about her f****y, the boy Josh was no trouble,but Jayne,well she was getting to be a bit of a pain, and to make things worse Jenny was certain she was looking at stuff she shouldn’t on the computer, always clicking to the start page whenever Jenny came near, I laughed, we’d all done it, only in our case it was stolen peeks at Dad’s dirty books, yes true she’d said, but they were tame compared to what’s available online, I asked if she’d checked the history to see what it was she was viewing, but she’d said she really wasn’t that good with computers. We smoked and chatted about various stuff, she said she preferred reading to the T.V., I asked her what she was reading at the moment, she’d blushed, before.
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