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Maria was, though."What are you wearing?" she asked, a smile in her voice."What am I wearing? --Is this an obscene phone call?" Could be," she said. "You want to know what I'm wearing?" I know you're going to tell me," I said."I'm wearing a blue polka-dot dress with a white collar," she said. "And white shoes, with ankle straps." Oh. OK." I had expected her to tell me she was wearing Chanel Number 5, or perhaps some other, updated variation on the old Marilyn Monroe tease-line."But -- you're not wearing any underwear, right?" I said."What? Well, of course I'm wearing underwear!" Oh. So -- why did you bring this up?" I asked."I didn't bring it up. I asked you what you were wearing," she said. "But you never did tell me." OK. I'm wearing jeans, a short-sleeved, 100% cotton pullover shirt, and, let's see -- gray socks and Nikes." Ohhhh," Maria said. "That sounds so sexy!" Are you high?" I said."Am I high? Like on drugs? Of course not!" Well, you sound a little loopy." I called you so we. Pretend wife slid the perfect omelets onto a waiting plate. "I put the jelly out." Along side, she dropped three slices of already prepared bacon and a piece of toast. "Spending her paycheck at work is a bad behavior and we need to break her of it now. What did Deputy Fife used to say in Mayberry? Oh, yes. 'Nip it in the bud.'"I took the plate from her and sat at the table. Three kinds of jelly awaited: strawberry, raspberry and apricot. I took one bite of the omelets and considered staying with this nameless woman, eating myself silly until the end of my days. So our daughter spent her paycheck at work, hmm? Pretend wife was right, that wouldn't serve her well in the long run. And I could have a rational conversation on that topic without sex. Success seemed assured. "Uh, okay dear." Don't dear me, just fix it. She looks up to you. Daddy's girl. Just this once, use that leverage."I kept eating, worried that this was a dream and the plate would vanish. In no time flat, I joined the.
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