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“I’d kill for a sauna right now.”“In two weeks, Snuggle Bear! Just be patient.”“Easy for you to say!” I groused. “You can use the sauna and the whirlpool! Let’s make some tea and then sit in my study so we have some privacy.”We went to the kitchen and I made a pot of tea that Kara carried, with mugs, to my study.“The more I think about all of this, the more I begin to understand what’s going on here,” I said. “While the trigger for her first breakdown was the situation with Carla and Rachel, the real issue was that she was finding it harder and harder to keep up the façade. She finally cracked, and ran away. When you and the other girls forced her to come back, and she agreed to counseling, it was because she wanted to be ‘Doctor Jessica’, and needed a find a way to restore her armor. That’s what Maine did for her. By revealing her secrets, minus the one with Doctor Barton, she could, in effect, play both sides, one against each other. She could use the openness about her past as. She was dead, and I didn’t feel anything. There was no catharsis, nor release, nor even a settling of peace. There was just emptiness. It was then that I realized how much of me was actually her. The sum of my soul that belonged to Leveria Tiadoa was filled with my hatred, self-loathing, insecurities and doubts, and that sum totaled more than any other; even more than Elena. Even more than Alkandi. I hadn’t been healed of all the anguish Leveria had dealt me; it had just been carved from me like a tumor crudely cut out, leaving me lesser than I was. The silence blared in my ears like a warning, and my heartbeats pounded like the ticking of a clock. “You with me, Alkandi?” I whispered. Silence answered. “Did you do that, or did I?” Again, nothing. “I guess the real question is, what would Yavara do?” Only the wind from the open window sounded in the room. I smiled to myself. “No answer, huh? I guess I get to decide then. Any objection?” Nothing. “At least I asked.” I leaned forward,.
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