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“Intimacy is cuddling and holding hands and good-morning kisses.”I paused to give her a quick kiss on her lips. “Intimacy is hugging and holding someone you love as a way of telling them you love them and as a way of feeling how much they love you.”“Huh,” said Bonnie. “So me clinging onto Dad yesterday was intimacy?”“That’s right,” said Dad.“Intimacy can also be telling each other personal things,” said Estelle. “Sharing secrets with someone you love so that you understand each other better. That’s being intimate too.”“Being intimate means the same thing as intimacy?” asked Bonnie.“Yep,” I said.“So me telling Mona something important like how I don’t like being naked is being intimate, even if we aren’t hugging when I tell her?”“That’s right,” I said. “But if you told your swimming teacher the same thing, that’s not being intimate, that’s just talking about something important.”“Okay, I get that,” said Bonnie. “And if my swimming teacher is holding my hands in the water to help me. I remember running my fingers through shag carpeting as I watched Mum bopping along to the trannie radio on the coffee table, her feet moving in little dance steps as she cleaned. I remember crawling after her, putting my hands over the vacuum cleaner and feeling the vibrations purr up my arms. Most of all, I remember being lulled to sleep by the sound of the machine, and the reassuring safety of Mum's arms as she picked me up and laid me on the sofa.It must've left a deep impression, because when I left home and moved to Melbourne, I took the vacuum cleaner with me. Over the next ten years, I carted that thing from college dorms to grungy flats and mates' sofas, and to every share house I have ever lived in. My mother thought it was strange I was so attached to a mechanical object, but she attributed it those hours of parental neglect as a toddler. I've tried to disabuse her of that notion, but I'm sure she still silently chalks it up as another of her parental failings. Even now,.
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