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She hardly ever went into the backyard anymore, afraid that Cerberus might come through the gates and pounce on her.Her deep-seated fear of the devil dog was instinctual, and it was yet another cat-related problem which bothered her. Death had been very impressed by Mike’s journey into the Underworld, but very disappointed when he learned that nobody had thought to map the place while they were there.“Aha, I have it!” Death sat next to her on the roof, his robes pulled up to reveal bony legs as he frantically scribbled in his notebook. He flipped it over to reveal that he had, in fact, written the word CAT in blue crayon. He had also drawn a highly unflattering picture of her beneath it.She scowled and took the picture from him. “You spelled it right, but did you have to draw giant tits on me with nipples? They’re bigger than my head.”“Hmm?” He took the drawing back and examined. “Ah, I see. In my haste to identify your gender as a woman, I neglected to account for scale. I should. .. which certainly dates it because every bottle of wine I buy nowadays comes with a screw top. So, I'm wobbling around in the kitchen trying to find the corkscrew. I've been in here a million times but suddenly I have no idea where anything is, and I'm going through drawer after drawer until ... eureka, there it is ... and sitting right next to it is this huge, black, double ended, dildo. Well. Heading back, I stop in the doorway in my best Miss World presentingmyself to the judges pose; you know, sort of half turned with the heel of your right foot raised so that your thighs rub together and your right knee juts forward; raise both my arms aloft and shout out: "Lookee what I found." Left hand corkscrew, right hand huge dong. Well, I don't know what I expected from Pippa, but a huge grin cracksacross her face and she starts doing ‘gimmee hands' ... and I don't believe it was the corkscrew she wanted. I chuck the dildo across to her, slump down on my end of the sofa and set about.
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