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He asked why. They answered; “We don’t know for sure. The last commander told us to do it, so here we are. It seems to be a tradition of some sort.”The new commander called the old one to ask what the reason was, and the previous commander said; “I don’t know. The commander before me had guards on the bench, so I just kept it going.”After contacting three previous commanders as well, and still getting the same answer, the new commander finally found a retired General (nearly 100 years old) and asked; “Sir, I am the new commander at the base you were in charge of 60 years ago. I found two men assigned to stand guard on a bench near the mess hall. Can you please tell me why?”After a pause, the General replied; “What? Is the paint still wet?”????????????????Thank tavern_knight for this one~“So when the first pig asked the man for straw to build his house with...”“What do you think the man was thinking?”One of the teacher’s students in the back of the room, called out, “Fuck me, a. " Bloody hell," I laughed again. "I've already forgotten most of it." Doesn't matter then." Yes it does, or you wouldn't have said it, come on what bit did you miss?"Looking up at me, she actually looked like the innocent little schoolgirl she'd pretended to be earlier, sad, very sad and vulnerable."He doesn't love me anymore, Jamie." Aw mum, come on baby, of course, he does."God, I'd called her baby!It was probably down to all the gin she'd imbibed, but before I knew it, she was sobbing and sitting there like the loneliest person in the world."He's going to leave me, Jamie, I just know he is."I pulled her to her feet and wrapped both arms around her as she sobbed."He's not mum, he's just a bit infatuated."That was completely the wrong thing to say, but at eighteen I wasn't exactly a sage!"He's fucking her now you know, I bet you anything you like, they're in bed now, and he's fucking her brains out." Mum, come on, snap out of it, what're you gaining by thinking like that?"I kissed.
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