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I went and sat in the opposite corner, ate the roll, sipped the pint and idly looked through the paper I'd brought to read on the train down. Nothing unusual going on - wars, famine, corruption in high places. Eventually, I put it down, just as I noticed the dark ... no, Cris, come over to my table."I think I owe you a fag," she said, sitting down. I told her not to worry, offered her another of mine. Had she been crying? Her cheeks looked shiny, eyes a bit pink. Ever the discrete one, I asked her if she was enjoying the 'team building and goal setting'."I could live without, but - and I quote - this is work, not a jolly. Personally, I'd prefer a pint. Or ten." There was an edge to her voice I recognised. The Professional Being Professional Despite It All. Do Not Cross Line. You Do Not Want To Know. Despite myself, I asked her if she was OK."I'll live." She paused, smiled slightly hesitantly. "But I guess I ought to go back to the team, gird the proverbial loins and face up to this. I mean don't get me wrong! I takepride in my house. It meant a lot to me that Susan and Margie respectedmy house keeping skills. But on a scale of 1 to 10, with all the thingsthat went with being an older woman, housework rated about a 2.For the most part, my life had fallen into a routine, but it was aroutine I enjoyed because it began with putting on my womanly clothes inthe morning and ended with putting on a nightgown. The funny thing aboutit is that I still thought of it as crossdressing. Nothing excited memore than looking my best as a woman- an older woman like my mother!I finished my cigarette and reached for my cigarette case. I did it outof necessity and habit, but I also did it with a sense of anticipationand pride. Its funny when I think about pride.I've struggled with pride from the first moment I put on one of mymother's nightgowns when I was a little kid. I remember it as being likepure joy covered with shame. I also remember thinking how that was sounfair, just.
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