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I concluded that she hadn't seen Milly kissing Dave but suspected they had. I knew she would not lie to defend Milly against her sister. Milly had put her into an impossible bind, and she hated her for doing so.We managed to calm Maggie down. Dave took her into the front room to feed her a good helping of bullshit. Later I managed to get Milly alone in the kitchen. "What was all that about earlier? You know, what Maggie was saying about you and Dave?" Dave's a sweet guy, but he's just not my type." I studied her carefully, saw a flush come into her cheeks. "Dave is quite smitten with you." "What makes you say that?" He told me about you and him kissing in Razors Edge." Have you told Karen?" Not yet." And will you." Probably." Will she hate me when she finds out." I don't know. How do you feel about Dave?" "Kissing him was just a bit of fun, that's all." Is that what tonight was: just a bit of fun?" Tonight has not been fun, Luca." Do you ever think of our night in the cottage.". The occasional burst of my emotions translating to sporadic emails was increasingly piling up in her Inbox, unopened and unread. For some reasons, what I wrote had ceased to enjoy the indulgence that it once did. Was it too repetitive or too wishful? But I appreciated her limitations, her constraints. Yet, the signs did not auger well at all. I even noticed traces of helplessness in her musings about us in recent months. The helplessness was not one-sided. Even I had been feeling the heat, what with the environment in my own prison of a home getting more and more hostile, not that it was hospitable ever. Somewhere along the line, I seemed to have lost the urge to live. Something told me that there were seemingly insurmountable hurdles in the way to the much dreamed of union that I lived for. If such were to be the case, where was the incentive to live? Having seen light, having seen colours, I dreaded a vegetative existence, black days. The only worthwhile reason to live for some.
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