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The screaming was horrific. There was a stench. Babies turned inside out and crab walked around me in hoards. I always woke myself up with my own screaming and crying. The night terrors were just as bad and I often awoke to find myself scratching at the door of my room and howling like a wounded animal. But, again, I’m no bitch so I kept this shit to myself and kept plugging away at my daily life. To be honest, that did become harder and harder as I became more sleep deprived and as I was being driven completely insane by these dreams.“Francis, are you OK?” My friends would ask.“Is living in the house getting to you? You really don’t have to live there, Francis, it’s OK to admit that it’s too difficult to live there.” They’d say.“What do you mean you’re sleeping in the room she died in? That’s sick. Are you just trying to prove a fucking point to us? You’re being a bitch, Francis, and it’s clearly costing you your sanity.” They’d whine.Eventually, I didn’t have the energy to fight. “The traditional vows are stark and simple, and I want the ring to reflect that. It will never come off that finger, and will always remind me.Aidan found himself in complete agreement. They bought a matching pair of 18 carat gold bands which would be ready the following week.Sam tucked her arm in his and the two would keep smiling at each other at the thought of this sudden and early step forward in their relationship. They did a food shop in the city and then in a small café, they drank the first of their coffees in grinning silence. They idly talked about a wedding and where it would be possible to hold it. Aidan’s grin came from the thought she’d never looked more beautiful. She glowed. Then his face became more serious. Sam’s grin came from relief and expectation of wearing the engagement ring.“Sam, how are we going manage this – to be together? You work in London.”“Hmm.” She paused in thought, losing her radiant smile in the process. Then, “Look, I’m earning a lot, and you must.
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