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Nicki had been told as a child that ‘fat’ was disgusting. When she had blossomed at puberty (ok, before puberty!), she was told that she was developing into a lusty object for men’s sexual fantasies (at least some parts of her body were doing that), and now that she was an adult, she was bombarded by a world that seemed to think that anything higher than 2% body fat was TOTALLY uncool. Of course, it was the mind games from Nicki’s childhood that had marked her the most. She had felt the fear of being abandoned if she wasn’t pretty, thin and sexy enough (my God, why should a child be sexy???) for her father to display her to his cohorts. Only recently had she been able to accept that her father had not only not loved her, but that he hadn’t even cared that she was a fellow human being, except in what she could do for him. It was humiliating to have spent so many years wanting someone to love her only to discover that she didn’t even register as a blip on his monitor of reality. So,. Which is what happens. Later, though, and around one am, Anne says that she wants to play truth or dare. I am tired and want to sleep, but she and Nora convince me to play. ‘So, truth or dare?’ Nora asks me. Not wanting to move, I reply truth. ‘Do you masturbate?’ I am a little shocked, considering I have never talked about this with anyone, ever. I guess I hesitated, because she asks again. I reply with a whisper the confirmation. I am equally surprised when she tells me that she has never done it herself. I didn’t think it was possible, considering the amount I do it in a week, or even in one day. It’s my turn to ask, and Anne chooses dare. I do something generic, not really sure what to do. Something like run around the house with your pants down or something like that. So, we return to my room, giggling, and this time Nora chooses dare, too. Anne starts laughing to herself, and I get the impression that she has come up with a silly one. she looks at me, then at Nora, and then.
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