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Landlady was an expert in preparing the fire for the barbeque. Joanne joined me too. We were told where it was on a shelf in the garage. On our way, we talked about her boyfriend who was an elderly man.She wasn’t married yet and she had a teenage daughter and more. It was the slowest we could walk. It was the wine which opening her emotions. We had finished a bottle of red wine. We reached the garage and we didn’t search for the coal but talked for a few more minutes about myself, which is not relevant to this story.After a while, we remember to search for the coal and we found a bag of coal on the shelf. We didn’t have a ladder or stool to reach the bad. All we had in the garage was the landlady’s car, a lawnmower, and a bicycle. We searched for the alternatives for a few minutes.I suggested her an idea which you all might have anticipated by now. I told her that I would lift her up and she can try to reach the bag. She ironically smiled and suggested an alternative which shook. "Is that what you call it?" She laughed. "Admit it Helen, the look on your face when that first splat hit your nose was priceless!" Oh my God, the little..." I derailed my tongue just in time. "The little wench showed you the video?" Just a single cropped frame she captured of the first impact. If I didn't know it was semen adorning your nose, the image wouldn't even be considered pornographic." She said, trying to keep from giggling. "Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of, sweetie." I'm not ashamed of jerking off!" I lowered my voice, feeling ashamed to have shouted something like that at mom. "Can't you ship her off to a private school or something? How about letting her stay with aunt Kimiko in Tokyo for a while?"Oh-uh! Mom put her hands on her hips and glared up at me. Our mother is as American as apple pie. She was born here, and is a citizen, but genetically she's one hundred percent a dainty little Japanese doll of a woman. I know that might sound racist in today's PC.
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