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Yo ok she asked Me and Taylor broke up. Oh well she was a cunt anyway mom laughed. And she had no ass. She grabbed her ass cheek shaking it. You need a big ass to love honey she laughed. I stared at her ass jiggle. Yeah I do I grinned. We sat drinking beer , she sat on the couch across from me, her legs spread and her feet on the ottoman. Her pussy lips showing, glistened in the sun. I stared in amazement. So I have a favor to ask of you and it’s a big ask but you will be rewarded. What is it?Baby I need you to be my date to a work benefit. Nobody knows you and wouldn’t know were related.Will there be alcohol?YepI’m in!But you have to make it look like we’re a couple she grinned. Ok no problem, I smiled That easy huh? You will have to hold me close, dance with me and kiss me. Mom you already kiss me on the lips, so no big deal. But I need you to look like you love me...Yeah already doI mean in love I am!What do I have to wear? Tuxedo I’ll pay for it. She smiled She shifted her legs. . Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation...My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, “Have you ever had.
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