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Yet I soon began to feel like Tantalus tormented in the garden, feeling more and more inadequate. I knew that when I returned home this environment of creativity and accomplishment and opportunity would no longer exit. The exact opposite was what I would find at home.And in Memphis, Martha would be missing as well. In a way I tried not getting too used to her, knowing she would disappear in a few weeks. But Martha was far too sensual and overpowering for me to begin thinking of myself as independent of her. Martha's effect on me was far from limited to sex, but that was the area of greatest immediacy.Compared with my first week in New York, Martha and I had sex only three times during the second week, our schedules being so hectic and demanding in their own way. Being in bed with her was becoming a contest within myself, with me trying to convince myself that I could do without when the time came, and me doing such a good job on her that she'd have second thoughts about not having. I could see the ring and medallion lying at the bottom. They still didn’t look well, but they did look better.“Well, well, well,” I muttered. One of the special boxes was glowing. I had thought they were to go to my spouses. But I knew that I didn’t want or need ten spouses. Maybe I would comply with my other spouses’ wishes and end up with six. That would be about my limit I’d decided. I got the feeling the boxes also knew this.I enjoyed spending time with my spouses. I enjoyed spending time with my calves. My grandfather never had enough time for any of us. For most of the people on our property, he didn’t even remember who was a calf or a wife. He just screwed whoever took his fancy at that moment. I just couldn’t do that.I grinned at Trixi, “Please don’t be surprised. I do not love Andy like I love you and he will not be our spouse.”Her eyes widened, “Really, one does?”I nodded, “I think I know why it has decided. I will discuss it with you later. I think you will agree with me.
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