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" With that, she lowered her head and kissed me firmly and passionately. I liked her. I wasn't sure about the situation until I talked to Jane but I did kiss her back. We came up for air later and she said, "I want you to talk to Jane while Bethany and I finish cooking supper. That should clear some of your confusion."Looking back, I said something intelligent like, "Okay." She rose off me gracefully and pulled me up. I realized then that she hadn't fallen by accident but had done it on purpose.We went inside and she went to Jane and gave her a hug. Jane came to me and took my hand leading me out to the porch. As this happened, Bethany's eyes were as wide as silver dollars. I think mine were, too.Jane pulled me down beside her on the porch swing and said, "I think we need to talk, George. I have come to love you and I think we have both found we have big hearts. I want us to be happy and I think Judith can be part of that happiness if you are willing. I have been with a woman before.. I see things so much clearer. There are so many things that I did, said, and felt which I now see were so incredibly stupid. I can't imagine how I let myself get into those situations, for one thing. Why in the world I let myself get talked into going out drinking with those girls... I just don't know.That was the start of it, I think. Doctor Jamison gave me a list of books to read and it was a revelation to me. Alcohol takes a woman and turns her inside out. Like one of them says, it's the most effective date rape drug in the world. It deadens the thinking processes and lowers inhibitions to the point of non-existence. Heavy drinking is such a self-destructive thing to do too. It makes the body react hard in order to throw off the poisons and it alters the body's chemistry.Doctor Jamison has helped me figure out I was drinking hard so I could make myself numb and not have to deal with the things I was feeling. It didn't work. It only made me more vulnerable to Brian. It made it easy.
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